We all have relatives that we hate! That's what makes Thanksgiving so much fun!!! But how many of us out there, have certain obnoxious relatives that we hate so much, that we want to kill them?!? I bet, more than a few! I got a cousin that I utterly despise so much that I lay awake at night trying to think up ways of bumping him off without getting caught! Or maybe just torturing the little twerp! Or hiring some cute Punk kid, to run him off the road! Oh wait! Neither my cousin nor the Punk kid that I had in mind for this blood curdling act of sweet revenge, own cars! Well, the Punk kid could steal someone else's car! Or use his motor bike! Or 'borrow' his racist Mom's car! She was just fired from Walmart, for making a racist comment to a drunken African American woman who was eating her unpaid for corn dog and spilling mustard all over a copy of The Enquirer, at the checkout counter! The front page of The Enquirer, screamed, OBAMA CAUGHT IN GAY SEX SCANDAL WITH BILL CLINTON AND MICHAEL MOORE! As left wing as I am, I must admit, that this headline has caused quite a sickening barrage of perverted images, swirling merrily around in my LSD, re fried brain!!! Anyone for Taco Bell!?! Well! I am sure that there must be someone out there, in this bad economy, that could use a couple of bucks! Pay to torture! Pay to cause bodily injury!!! Pay to at least scare the fucking BasTurd to death !! WON'T COME BACK FROM DEADMAN'S CURVE! You must be wondering who the fuck am I so pissed off at? Who could possibly inject into my dear, sweet heart, such well centered, directly pointed, HATRED!!! Well I will tell you dear people! It's the son of my Mother's sister! Yes! My dear first cousin! His right wing, born again, Babtist RepubliKKKan, Wicked Witch Of The South, Bitch Mom, has done an excellent job of BRAINWASHING on her sickening little sprog of a son! My my! A Mother's love has no limit!! Especially when it comes to raising and preparing her offspring for a future career as a RepubliKKKan candidate for office! Don't you just love it when one of your relatives comes to 'visit' and then begins to just TAKE OVER ! Take over the entire house!
Everything from changing the kitchen curtains to re arranging everything in the refrigerator including deciding which items should be in the door of your fridge, and which items should OR shouldn't be refrigerated at all! My Mom always keeps the ketchup(Spelling?) in a cabinet. Not in the fridge. But Miss Take Over The Entire Fucking House decides the ketchup should be refrigerated! By whose right!! Did God tell her to remove our bloody ketchup from the cabinet and stick it in the fridge WAY FUCKING BACK behind the huge jar of Kraft salad dressing, so we can't fucking find it!!! HELLO!!! My hot dog is getting cold because I can't find the FUCKING KETCHUP!!!!!! How do you spell ketsup or ketchup? Who bloody cares, my hot dog is now cold you bitch!!! And who wants ice cold ketchup on their hot dog???!!!??? Isis please protect me from these RepubliKKKan, Babtist, know it all, LUNATICS!!! Well, I know I should not let this get too me, but shit fire and save on lighter fluid, they stayed a whole week!!! In that time, my Aunt and her demented son, drove me, my Mom, my brother, and all my Mom's care givers, up the fucking, fake, plastic wooden walls! They knew EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING! They even had the nerve to decide that my Mom's cat, Miss Kitty, should no longer eat any wet cat food, but only eat dry!!! And why? Because they kept giving Miss Kitty the specific flavours that she didn't like! She only likes certain flavours, like Shrimp Feast In Gravy or Flake Salmon with Trout Bits!!! But these morons would give Miss Kitty the special cans that I specifically, bought for Ellie Mae, my pet possum! I have been feeding that possum for years now and I keep cans of cat food for both critters! Just because Miss Kitty won't eat Ellie Mae's cat food doesn't mean she shouldn't eat any wet cat food at all!!! Assholes! My Aunt's son, kept getting into the liquor cabinet as well! Drinking my Dad 's booze! OK my Dad is dead, but we still keep his alcohol in one of the lower cabinets in the kitchen. And this little booze stealer kept sipping my dead Dad's special brew of home made corn liquor! Corn on the cob? No! This is corn in the mayonnaise jar, and it is off limits! Well, his sips of corn liquor soon became shots then gigantic gulps!!! He soon became a drunken son of a bitch and my patience soon began to wear very thin!!! My asshole RepubliKKKan cousin from the vote stealing state of Florida, soon became The Creature From The Cornhole Lagoon! He's a smart ass who has a dumb ass remark about everything under the sun, the moon and shitty little asteroids! He even wanted to know where my brother got the money to pay for his car! As if it was any of his loser bizzness! This drunk goon from nowhere land, can't keep a job long enough to buy a pot to shit in! Eventually I ended up cussing him out and telling him to FUCK OFF! And my AUNT BITCH QUEEN OF NEW ORLEANS!
No, the Witch Queen Of Voting Fraud Florida, made my Mom a coconut cake for her birthday and my Mom HATES coconut! And she doesn't celebrate birthdays anyway, because her church says birthdays are PAGAN! I of course had three pieces! Well, the Beast With A Mouth And Two Legs, had the audacity to criticize me for dropping a few crumbs of coconut on the top of one of the kitchen counters! BITCH BITCH BITCH!!! I hope you fucking choke on a undercooked turnip!!!
At the end of my Aunt's stay at my Mom's along with her demonic, snake screwing jerk off of a son, everyone was more than happy to see them flee the scene of the crime! Cause anywhere those two turd lips go they spread a hateful and nasty spiteful version of so called Christianity. One that would make Jesus himself want to break his Father 's commandment of THOU SHALT NOT KILL!! Where is the commandment that says THOU SHALT NOT THROW CAT PEE PEE IN YOUR COUSIN'S FACE!?! Well, I have a few commandments of my own to share with you ! The Ten Commandments Of Jayne County!
THOU SHALT NOT DRINK THINE DEAD UNCLES BOOZE! Someone may get hip to the trip that ye is nipping from dat bottle and PISS IN THE GIN!!!! Hmmm this Gin has a funny taste! Oh really!?! Oh go on. Have another swig oh brother of infected liver and kidneys!!!
THOU SHALT NOT COVERT THINE BROTHERS RUBBER BLOW UP DOLL! Especially when you have it wearing your own mother's clothes! And put down that bread knife Mr . Perkins! And please wear a bathing cap in the shower! I'm sick and tired of pulling your grandma's hair out of the fucking drain!
THOU SHALT NOT SING 'KNOCK THREE TIMES' while you are down on your knees worshipping a gold plated tablet given to Mitt Romney by an angel in upstate New York.
THOU SHALT NOT REPRODUCE AND MAKE MORE LITTLE RUNTS LIKE YOURSELF! If fact, just kill yourself!!!!
THOU SHALT NOT EVER AGAIN VISIT ANY OF YOUR RELATIVES!!! Didn't you get that notice in the mail that your entire family was wiped out by a mad gunman who purchased his gun in the book department at Walmart? The gun that was displayed right next to the BIBLES!!
THOU SHALT TAKE FISHING CORD AND A JUMBO NEEDLE AND SEW THINE MOUTH SHUT!!! So we don't have to hear you complain about how everyone else knows nothing, and you know everything! Also we won't have to smell dead people's alcohol on your breath! Have you tried gargling with BLEACH!?!
THOU SHALT NOT BREATHE!!! Just die you Bas Turd!!! DIE DIE DIE!!!
THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER FUCK BUDDIES BUT YOUR OWN ARTHRITIS INFECTED HAND!!! You are a JERK OFF SO GO JERK OFF!!!
THOU SHALT NOT LIE WITH THINE OWN BROTHER'S PET PIG. No one would be able to tell you apart and you may end up as bacon on one of my Subway sandwiches, and wouldn't that just make me vomit my way to HEAVEN in a little row boat!!! CLAP CLAP!!!!!!! (Which is probably what you've got from screwing that pig!)
THOU SHALT NOT...,,
Oh I'm sick of this crap! Why am I wasting my precious energy and time on worrying about what the fuck you do!!? You finally left and I don't want to see you or your abusive sorry excuse for a parent ever again! You're gone! And don't come back! If you do I will call the cops and charge you with trespassing and stalking! And if any of that doesn't work....
Just, KILL YOUR RELATIVES! By Jayne County.
......THIS IS A SATIRE! A PARODY! AND IS NOT MEANT TO INCITE VIOLENCE IN ANY WAY. YOU SHOULD NEVER RESORT TO VIOLENCE.