JAYNE COUNTY'S
RANT AND RAVE
ELECTION SPECIAL!!!!!
By: JAYNE COUNTY
Well, well, well!! But in this case, HELL, HELL, HELL !!! Election time again? Holy Shit Batman!!! What horrible fate awaits our poor country this time?
An eruption of a new super destructive volcano somewhere? How bout slap dab in the Great And Hate State of Ole Alabami? No such luck? Well shut my grit filled mouth and glue my lips together with Super Tuesday glue!!! Rick Insane Toe Jam Shitorum done won Sweet Homo Alabama!!! And he didn't even have a banjo on his knee! But I have heard, that ole Ricky Nat Butter Dicky is going to star in a re-make of the film, 'DELIVERANCE!' And that for some reason poor little Rick, insisted on doing the butt fuck scene over and over again!! Something like over 35 times!! And since the film is being released in 3-D, he wanted to make sure he got the scene just right!!! SQUEAL LITTLE PORK CHOP!!! SQUEAL SQUEAL!!! And Rick did the scene bear back and for real! He wanted the scene to be as realistic as possible, so he insisted on actually really getting his fat, anal canal pumped full of crude oil!!! The director kept yelling "CUT" but Rick kept yelling "DEEPER, DEEPER!!!" Finally after some 46 straight hours of shooting the famous scene over and over again, they ran out of film, Vaseline, crude oil and Axel grease!!! And the fudge packer, that was playing the part of the toothless old corn holer, lost his old Civil War belt and cell phone. But thankfully both items were soon found floating around in a sea of shitty filth, UP RICK'S BRIGHT PINK AND BADLY SWOLLEN GRAND CANYON!!! So TURDS A POPPIN!!! Also Rick had insisted on filming the scene the old fashioned way using real film!! "NO DIGITAL!" he was reported as saying! "I don't want my anal veins to be clearly seen by all those Democrats!!!" "They might make fun of me!" It has been reported that Rick had originally wanted Herman Cain to play the part of the corn holing fudge packer, but the producers of the film were afraid that it would make the scene too racially charged! The producers, who by the way were all RepubliKKKans wanted to avoid any accusations that they were all a bunch of RIGHT WING, RACIST BUTT PLUGGERS FROM PLANET UP URANUS!!! Especially since some of the new lines were re written by Neutered Ginwitch! The main line in question was Rick screaming "Stick that big fat black hose up my gas tank baby and FILLERUP!!!" "As one could imagine with all these politically correct Democrats and Commie Fags all swishing around these days, that line could have easily been Miss Con Screwed, as a RACIST statement!" complained one of the camera men, who also just happens to be the speech writer for NAZI BIGOT, Ron Paul! He went on to say, "I am from great state of TEXAS, and I am sick and tired of all these damn Negros and homosexYouAlls, accusing me of being a homophobic racist rat turd!" "I got nothing against Blacks! I think everybody should own one!" "And as far as homosexYouAlls are concerned, well shit fire, we all get horny sometimes and can't find a woman handy! And after several six packs of Bud, most anybody has A PRETTY MOUTH!!!" Well, I must say, I can 't wait for this fine sounding re make to grace our movie screens! And it looks as though Rick Insane Toe Jam already has another career to fall back on, if he doesn't cut the possum fat enough to become our next President!!!
'This And That' Concerning
The AmeriKan Elections.
10.
Isis! I'm sick and tired of all this right wing THEOCRATIC horse shit! Haven't you idiots ever heard of Separation Of Church And State? What do you want us all to do? Have a copy of The Ten Commandments cemented to the top of our heads, like you do with your wees wees? Is that why you are all a bunch of retarded DICKHEADS? Maybe we could all call ourselves COMMANDMENTHEADS! Like DEADHEADS!! Or just change our country's name to THE UNITED STATES OF JESUS! Or call ourselves AMERISTAN! Since all you self righteous JESUS ZOMBIES, want to do away with individual rights and put the bondage of the OLD TESTAMENT as the law of our land, creating a puritanical, religious state, just like in the fundamentalist Muslim countries! Let's see now, what other ridiculous religious laws could you FESTER on the rest of us?! You could chop off the hands of people who were caught mast abating!!! As the Bigot Bible states, "Ye shall not spill thy seed!!" ONAN was the first masturbator and God caused his hand to be eaten off by WORMS!!! Some God!!! Ever hear of the word SADIST??? Another law would be to make adultery a punishable offense! Women would be STONED TO DEATH but white straight males would get a simple slap on the wrist, called a naughty boy then sent to their rooms to masturbate until their hearts content! If you were Black or Gay, of course you would just be HUNG!!! Another good Biblical law is the one where the woman has to have a covering put over her body during sex! A sheet or blanket would do, with a hole cut out for the mans tiny hot dog to go thru!!! And lets not forget making the women cover their heads and then making them all sit on one side of the church!!! ISIS forbid, they contaminate the ever so HOLY MALES!!! Oh I could go on and on with all the fabulous Biblical Bigot laws that these disgusting RepubliKKKAn JESUS PSYCHOS could inflict on us sane, progressive people, but I won't!! Cause it's just a load of STUPID, IGNUNT, CRAPOLA!!! OK. On to number
9.
The southern states of Ameristan, are still fighting the FIRST CIVIL WAR! Therefore usually going for the most extreme so called 'conservative' candidate that they can DIG UP! Hey assholes, YOU LOST THE CIVIL WAR!!! GET OVER IT!!! AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! The biggest mistake the NORTH ever made was to let the southern states rebuild! They haven't learned their lesson and THEY NEVER WILL!!! So you may as well go ahead and send FEDERAL TROOPS back down there to once again burn everything down to the ground, cause it's the only way to shut the RACIST NAZI basTurds up!!! And it's gonna have to be done again anyway when the up and coming SECOND AMERIKAN CIVIL WAR takes place!!! So get it over with!!! COME ON DOWN!!! Of course, the main Civil Rights issue now is GAY RIGHTS! And once again, just like in the days of SLAVERY, the backward states are going to have to be FORCED to do the right thing, and give Gay, Lesbian, Bi and Trans people FULL EQUAL RIGHTS!!!
8.
Oh God, please GURL, stop these warped politicians from putting up these stupid, LYING, political commercials and ruining my fave shows!!! How can i get IN to enjoying my fave re-runs of FRAISER, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, CHEERS, ROSANNE and THE GOLDEN GIRLS, if I have to pick up a bucket and VOMIT every time you force feed me all that insane, mentally deranged, extreme, NEO NAZI bullshit, you call PATRIOTISM? I mean, how disgusting to have to keep flushing your right wing induced VOMIT, along with your superstitious, religious donkey PISS down my beautiful blue, green and yellow psychedelic, silver, Andy Warhol TOILET!!! So please, Tranny Goddess Of Two Spirited, Highly Evolved, Superior Trans Beings, PLEASE stop these dumb ass RepubliKKKan commercials and cause all these backward thinking, non evolved cave dwelling right wingers, to drive their gas binging, overly expensive covered wagons off a cliff into the OCEAN OF EVOLUTION, to be eaten alive, very slowly, by SHARKS!!! Yum yum yum!!! What a nice meal these over stuffed, fatty tissued BIGOTS make!!!
NUMBER 7.
Yes I know, that guy that plays FRAISER is a RepubliKKKan! And a particularly, obnoxious one at that! What's his name? Chelsea Graham Cracker ? Chelsea? Kelsie? Oh, whatever! But I love that show, so I suppose I have to blot that disappointing fact out of my superior LIBERAL mind!!! I guess even RepubliKKKans sometimes serve some sort of purpose every once in a slime green moon! And the actress that plays poor Raymond's wife, on Everybody Loves Raymond, she is also one of them!!! THEM !!! THEM !!! THEM !!! Pass the poisoned sugar!!! Here come the giant Liberal eating RepubliKKKans!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! They are here!!! THEY ARE HERE!!! Whatever you do! DON'T FALL ASLEEP!!! They will replace you with a POD!!! Then you will become one of THEM!!! Your brain will be BRAINWASHED until it becomes the size of an over cooked pinto bean! And it won't even be fit to be mashed up to become BEAN DIP!!! And besides, I'm out of DORITOS!!! Mmmmmm this is making me hungry!
6.
INVADE IRAN!!?? Oh no! Here we go again! So that must be where the 'weapons of mass destruction' are! IRAN! Oh Do Do Bird poo!!! What a bunch of porcupine turds! The reason the Neo Cons want to invade Iran, is to steal their oil so their pathetic spoiled little sprogs, can continue to drive huge dinosaur trucks and bump the rest of us off the damn roads! And Iran does not INVADE other countries, that's AmeriKa's job!!! What right does AmeriKa have to invade and force our idiot ways on a country that has a culture that's THOUSANDS of years older than ours? And our dear, dear 'friend' Saudi Arabia, has a fundamentalist dicktatorship that murders women and gays on a daily basis! Oh but they jerk us off by filling the pockets of filthy rich AmeriKan business men and CEOs with blood soaked money! So they get away with all sorts of disgusting CRIMES!!! Yep! The root of ALL EVIL! But Iran, won't behave the way we want them too, so we need to invade them to teach them a lesson! Go on you tiny midget penis brains! INVADE IRAN, and start the next world war!! Stir up Russia and China and cause ISRAEL to get blown off the face of the map, because that is exactly what will happen and it will be AmeriKKKa's fault, NOT Irans!!!
5.
Is there anyone else besides me, that thinks Neutered Ginwitch, looks like a warped, twisted version of W. C. FIELDS??? And Ms Neutered, I have a gay sister but I'm a bigot anyway, Ginwitch, is after all a COMEDIAN! Sinaldulterer!!! Sin Adulterer! Oh I want to say SINator, but I can't get it out! It causes such a foul taste in my mouth, that my false teeth keep poppin out and I had to glue them back in with Elmer's Glue!! I 'm stuck on you, just like Elmer's Glue! Anyway, put a dingy old tophat on Neutered Nerdballs, and he could start his own right wing Heavy Metal band, called, DEAD W. C. FIELDS!!! He could pop up out of a casket, and sing a medley of Mae West songs, backed by a crock of shit RepubliKKKan, bigot musicians like Joe Perry, and Ted Nugent!!! That is if he has time! Between cheating on his wives dying of CANCER and making a fool out of himself by running for PRESIDENT, I doubt the red faced old fart bucket could make it to any of the rehearsals!!!
4.
Oh dang my southern, ultra, LIBERAL, superior hide, I am wasting way too much of my precious tempo,on those RupubliKKKan dingbats from HELL! Let's get the rest of these anti right wing spur of the moment insults over with! FAMILY VALUES!! Ha, that 's a laugh! RepubliKKKans have NO VALUES!! Or, no value, at all! They, like their worthless LIES and anti GAY patter, belong in the sewer, along with all those used condoms those closet case sex perverts, use for BIRTH CONTROL! Of course no one else is supposed to use birth control! And if you do, you are a SLUT and a prostitute! But it's OK to be a drug addict like Rush Limbaugh!!! And all this talk about so called 'traditional' families and marriage! And how God, HERself, has ordained marriage to be between a man and a woman! What HOGWASH! They leave out the fact that the very people who supposedly started all this CRAP, were smelly, tent dwelling, sheep screwing, goat shagging, camel humpers!!! Oh those poor creatures!!! Being humped day in and day out! No wonder they eventually grew two humps!!! When you're humped, and pumped, you get lumps!! My lumps! My humps! I think I'm gettin' pumped!!! Those Old Testament phycho's who heard voices in the desert after walking for days in the hot sun with no water!! DUH!! Who the HELL wouldn't hear voices, and talk gibberish to fucking BURNING BUSHES, after an ordeal like that! My bloody bush would burn too if I had to go thru that shit!!! Oh and don't forget all the slaves, handmaidens, and porcupines! Mmmmmm! Have you heard the news? There's good shaggin' tonight! Oooooooweeee!!! What up wit dat? What up wit dat??? Wow! How lucky can a good family man get!! And you can't get more traditional than humping a feisty slave or a nice plump handmaiden!!! And God! Well, she knows good and well that the RepubliKKKans would simply LOVE, to bring back slavery!!! So enough of this phony 'family values' bull! It belongs in the past, along with tent dwelling, sheep shagging, and slave pumping! Oh, and don't forget the camel humping! Their poor little back
3.
Well, shut my mouth and stitch it together with Rick Satantorums shredded small intestine!!! Imagine having a guitar with strings made from Rick's gut!!! The Les Gutter guitar! I know it may sound weird but Rick 's skin tone reminds me of pale, smooth plastic! Like one of those cheap, glossy vinyl table cloths you find on 14th street in NYC!!! If you took an iron and set it on medium, and laid him out naked (Yikes!) on an ironing board, you could iron him and get a lovely, shinny table cloth for your extra table you keep in the spare room! You know, the room you use when you have the gang over to play cards or Canasta or Monopoly!!! Gemme two hotels on Boardwalk and charge it to Rick, "Plastic Table Cloth Face" Satantorum!!! Yuk!!! Imagine having to iron his balls out flat!!! I bet they are tiny little peas! Not even the size of walnuts or even pecans!!! You wouldn't have to worry about birth control, cause those tiny little pea balls probably couldn't produce enough spunk to fertilize a piss ant, much less a human fetus!!! Those puny little tadpoles, couldn't swim across a broken anus vein even if they were squirted out a rubber enema bag using Russian rocket fuel! He does have a few kids though, but they were adopted from a Hungarian orphans home in Budapest. Rumor has it that they were the product of incest between a retarded Bosnian porn star, and his mother's, sister's, deformed, three headed third cousin on his Mother's side of the family! They entered this country illegally dressed as Catholic Nuns!!! Fox News are giving them their own show called, MENTALLY UNBALANCED SLIMEBALLS. It's sure to be a huge hit, as it is aimed mostly at the BLUE COLLAR AND WHITE SHEET WEARING CROWD! I can't wait to see it!!! Gosh, dang!!! This is one of the weirdest things I have ever written! Either I am alot more crazier than I thought or I AM A FUCKING GENIUS!!! Oh I know whats up!!! It's four in the fucking morning and ! am DRUNK! Must have been all those shots of tequila I had at Swinging Richards!!! Atlanta's wildest male stripper bar!!! OMG!!!
2.
POPMYCHERRY LAMB CURRIE IS A RACIST BITCH and a 'closet' homophobe. She uses the disguise of being a sick twisted FAKE Christian, as an excuse to spew her RACIST NEO NAZI POISON!! She has deleted really great people as soon as they realize what a sick pathetic PIG she is! Everyone who is against racism and far right wing FILTH should DELETE this WITCH BITCH!!! Cause if you don't, you are only supporting her disgusting RACIST POISON!! Just because The Runnaways WERE a great band is no excuse! They were only great because Kim Fowley made them so and Joan J was the real talent anyway!!! MAY HER FALSE CHRISTIAN SOUL BURN IN HELL!!!
1.
What was this list about? Oh Jesus, Mary and Woodrina, I think I am getting senile! I think it was just a bit of this and that concerning the AmeriKan elections!!! Well then, how the HELL did shit bitch Pickled Cherries and Dead Lamb Curry get in this list? Who would vote for that piece of dried out RAT TURD!!!??? (Will someone please Gorilla Tape that bitch's mouth shut!?) Oh yeah, I forgot, the same bigot basTurds that would vote for Sarah Animal Murderer, Palin! Oh dear! I called a female Nazi a name!! QUICK! Inform the right wing media so they can compare me to Rush Limbaugh, to detract from him being such a pathetic Fascist Pig! Is that ready for the slaughter fattened HOG, still on the air?! Well, I guess so! This is AmeriKa! We protect and cherish our bigoted dicktators in this country! Then go and BOMB other countries for the same thing! Wow Wee!!! Isn't FREEDOM JUST FUN FUN FUN!!! Love The Beach Boys! Even if some of them are right wingers! Oh shit! THEY ARE EVERYWHERE!!!! There's NO ESCAPE!!! Oh wellTra, along La Gay WayTra, at randomTra!!! I wish some smart LEFT WING scientist could come up with some sort of test to determine whether a fetus is going to grow up to become a RepubliKKKan or not! Then the decision of what to do about it would be up to the Doctor and the woman's Legislature, her Minister, all right wing Christian groups and of course all her hypocritical nosy neighbors!!! And of course she would have to ask permission of what to do with her own body, from the federal government, her state government, her county government, and the local courthouse!!! And lets not forget to ask The Pope and all the Catholic Bishops! Of course that is, if they're not all too busy playing TOUCH AND FEEL with all the neighborhood kids!! TOMMY CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!??? Or filming the follow-up to the TV show, 'Touched By An Angel' called, TOUCHED BY A PRIEST!!!' Well I guess those poor misunderstood Priests, need something else to do every once in awhile, besides CASTING OUT DEMONS and throwing HOLY WATER in some poor Vampires face! And let's face it! Vampires today, have a better reputation than Priests!!! Is Priest supposed to be capitalized? They do equate themselves with God, right??? Oh who fucking cares!? Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. What to do if you suspect your fetus may be a RepubliKKKan! You know what? It's ENTIRELY up to you! It's no ones business but yours! And besides, maybe one day people will wise up and figure out, that the only way to control these murdering, psycho RepubliKKKans, is to have them all STERILIZED!!! Not let these horrible MONSTERS reproduce!!! Oh Happy Day! NO REPUBLIKKKANS!!! Pray to ISIS, Bast and all the Gods and Goddesses of Ancient Egypt, to send pestilence, upon the GOP (Grand Old Pedophiles) to punish them for their SINS!! All those wife cheating, right wing CHRISTIAN, SINators, shall suffer in the HOLY name of ISIS!! Or better yet, let's just do what those lovable Romans used to do! THROW THEM ALL TO THE LIONS!!! Mmmmm, what a yummy meal that Rush Limbaugh would make! That is, unless his flesh has been spoiled by all that OXYCONTIN he takes! DRUG ADDICT RUSH MUSH!!! What a shame it would be to let those poor little lions go hungry just cause Rush The Magic Crackhead, done ruined his tasty meat with them mean ole DRUGS!!! Well I suppose we could throw them some Curried Cheri Pie!!! But those alcohol, soaked plastic tits could poison the poor kitty cats!!! And her flesh would be so bitter and poisoned that the lions could all have severe liver damage! And besides, with Ms Furry Curry gone, some meal ole Mexican might steal her job as FACEBOOK NAZI!!! That is, when she's not poisoning pigions in the park! So on that tasty note, I shall bid you all farewell untill we meet again! Nightie nite!! Sleep tight, and don't let those RepubliKKKan bed bugs bite!!! Tomorrow is another day! In the morning when ATEN rises once again, bringing us a new day, try not get too depressed, by all these horrible RepubliKKKans, and the misery they bring upon our suffering world! But remember this! JESUS IS COMING SOON WITH AN ARMY OF LEFT WING ANGELS TO THROW THEM ALL INTO THE LAKE OF FIRE, ALONG WITH SATAN AND THE BEAST!!! Sincerely, Jayne County !!!