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MY TOP TEN BEST WAYS TO TORTURE SARAH PALIN!!!
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BY JAYNE COUNTY
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10. Tie the bitch down on a cold cement floor and cover her with Elmer's Glue! Lower a 50 inch flat screen TV just three feet from her ice caked, Elmer's Glue of Olay face. Play footage of the Arizona shootings over and over again, until she cries out to JESUS to forgive her for inciting right wing hatred and violence toward normal , sane acting Liberals, Progressives and nine year old children! Maybe Jesus will take pity on her foul smelling soul and commute her sentence in Hell to only three years of community service working with drug addicts, people with HIV and the poor and displaced!!! And cleaning out the toilets down at the local GLBT Community Center! May Jesus BEAT DOWN this nasty BIGOTED bitch with His true Christian LOVE! Something that Ms. Palin, who 'claims' to be a Christian, knows nothing about!!!
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9. Tie Miss Right Wing Fruit Cake, Elephant Walk On Her Face, in to a mock electric chair! Only this time, force her to watch Michael Moore films and Bill Maher and Keith Olbermann shows off of You Tube for hours and hours on end!!! When she screams out that she can't take it anymore, pour a full bottle of amyl nitrate (Poppers) up her nose! Then crank up Patti Smith on full column singing 'Ask The Angels!' Ask the angels if they are calling for Sarah Palin to stop encouraging right wing GUN NUTS to murder innocent children and JEWISH DEMOCRATS!!! And then to add insult to injury use the anti Semitic term 'blood lible!' A term this ignorant bitch used that is associated with those who accuse the Jews of murdering Christ! The Nazis used it against the Jews while murdering SIX MILLION of them!!!
Ask The Angels if THEY are calling for Sarah Palin to be thrown into The Lake Of Fire along with The Anti Christ (Glenn Beck) Satan (Rush Limbaugh) and The Great False Prophet (Fox Spews!) ASK THE ANGELS!!
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8. Skin Sarah Palin alive!!! Tie barbed wire around her big (Big Foot) toes! Turn her upside down! Smear honey and rotten fig preserves all over her smooth, freshly skinned, under flesh! Then slowly bring her down and dip her head first, into a giant hill of ARMY ANTS!!! After the sweet little ants have stuffed themselves like little RepubliKKKan pigs and stored enough away for many a rainy day, gather up some of the overstuffed little dickens, cover them with chocolate and serve them up as a delicious Sweet and Sarah treat at the next RepubliKKKan get together!!! And don't worry about anyone finding out about you stuffing your faces!!! No one will be able to tell anyway, under those WHITE SHEETS!!!
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7. Take Sarah Palin and strip her naked. Take her up in a helicopter, over the snow capped hills of Alaska. (Give that fucking state back to Russia!!! "Oh I can see it from my retarded back yard! Just behind my bright chewing gum pink trailer!!!) What is this? The fucking re make of Pink Flamingos starring Shit Eating Champion, Sarah Palin!!?? Anyway once you got her naked in the copter, toss the baby wolf murdering, my gun is my substitute for a PENIS slut, out of the helicopter on to the freezing snow below, right slap dab in the middle of a WOLF PACK!!!! Let her RUN WITH THE WOLVES!!! Then let the guys up in the copter swoop down with their GUNS, and start shooting!!! Get her!!! Get her!!!! Just like she did to those poor little baby wolves!!! While they were running with their mothers in the freezing snow and ice , this MONSTER of a sub human Neanderthal ape, SHOT them down!!! Oh that is real hunting huh??? Swooping down on defenseless baby wolves and murdering them just for fun! Oh Miss Queen of Evil, you are such a MAN with your MAGIC PENIS GUN!!! Or maybe you are some kind of new alien, hermaphrodite life form!!! A KUNT GUN with legs!!!
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6. Tell Sarah Palin that they are doing a re make of the film 'Sybil!' And she would be perfect for the part!!! All those hundreds of different separate personalities!!! The original 'Three Faces Of Sarah!!!' When one personality puts her kunt in her mouth she can always blame one of her others 'FACES!!!' How convenient! Of course this is just a trick to trap the Kook From Planet Dumb Dumb Ville, so we can once again torture the backward, shit eating trailer tramp redneck from her AlasKKKan Poodle Pee Pee Pad!!! So let the torture begin! We will rehearse the upside down, swinging enema scene, over and over again until every single tiny little speck of shit has been cleaned and squirted out Ms. Palin's scrubbed out asshole!!! Her colon will become so swollen that they will produce enough chitlins for any self respecting, gun toting, rabbit shooting, moose screwing, intestine eating, cave squatting, inbred AlasKKKan to feast upon until it's once again time to start roasting up those whole turkey fried baby wolves!!! This scene in the film will thrill all of Ms. Palin's fans and enemies alike! The sight of Sarah Palin swinging upside down across a pretty painted yellow and pink Martha Stewart styled country kitchen, with a bright orange enema bag full of mint julip lemonade, stuck up her Grand Canyon will be a sight for anyone's sore eyes!!! Has torture ever been more fun, I ask
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5. Torture!!! Torture!!! We could send her to Guantanamo Bay!!! Did I spell that right? Oh who cares??! Just lock the baboon up with all those 'other terrorists! But I am not sure which ones are worse! Them or her!!! And there would be a MAJOR problem!!! Where the HELL on one of those naked human pyramids, would we put our dear Holy Highness??? We couldn't put her on the very bottom! The poor X beauty queen, whore and medium priced hooker, would be crushed under all those other naked bodies! Besides, it would be just plain rude!!! Why, she can't speak a word of ARABIC! And if she dares to utter the name of Allah, she would be decapitated and her head used as a bowling ball or a potted plant holder to grow some really cool Cuban WEED man!!!!! Well, yawn! I suppose we could put her at the top! Yes! Right UP THERE! As Andy Warhol used to love saying! That Sarah Palin, why she's really way UP THERE!!! Right up there at the top of the Naked Terrorist Pyramid!!! The top star at Guantanamo Bay!!! Did I spell that right? Oh, who gives a fuck?!? As long as we can get out our cameras and take holiday pics of top banana Sarah Palin, at the top of that Rude Nude Dude Mayan Temple!!! With one naked Nazi Bitch sitting on top of the world!!! Up on top of The Leaning Tower of Circumcised Penises!!! Oh no! Do we have to put a bag over her head??? We wouldn't be able to see those rosy red cheeks of hers! Well, there would be other cheeks to gaze at I suppose, but I for one, would miss the sight of those Buddy Holly look alike glasses and that off shade of Walmart lipstick she wears!!! So! Sarah Palin, sent off to Guantanomowhatever Bay, and put up on top of a naked human pyramid! Torture enough? Naw ! I don't think so!!! Let's torture her some more!!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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4. Remember seeing any old western movies where supposedly the 'Indians' would dig a hole on the desert or in the sand or the dirt in some lost canyon or just outside of the village and stick one of their white captives in it? With just their heads sticking out? Then the 'Indians' would ride their horses over the person's head till their brains would gush out like green hog's brains! I always wondered if the brains were gathered up and whipped up into some good old. 'brains and eggs!!! ' Well, we all gotta eat !!! Or remember that episode of "Tales From The Crypt?" Where the jilted lover dug a hole on the beach and put her cheating spouse in it with just his head sticking out!!! Then the moon would bring in the tide! The waves got closer and closer!!! And the guy would start screaming until finally his gurgling yelling would for evermore be silenced!!!! Well, Sarah my sweet little body less head, what fun it would be to watch you enjoy such a creative way to go!!!!!!! I mean after all, getting shot by a right wing comrade of yours is sooooooo boring!!! I mean we all have heard it all so many times before!!! This gun nut fan of yours that you encouraged, verbally attacked a young girl before for getting an abortion. Screaming at her that she murdered her baby! Oh that must be so wrong but it is perfectly OK to shoot a nine year old girl that got in there way while your fan was trying to rid the world of that evil liberal Democrat JEW!!
Like we haven't seen or heard of that kind of behavior from our history books or old classic films about WW11 or Nazi Germany or other criminal states throughout our history, where right wing bigots take over governments and countries to. 'save' all their fellow right wingers from all those mean old Socialists who only want everyone to be treated in a fair and honest way. Everyone to be able to have the basic human right to have decent medical treatment regardless of how much money you make or what race you are or what country you came from or what religion you are or what gender you are or who you choose to marry or what sexuality you were BORN as!!! Excuse me! I thought we were living in a place called America where EVERYONE deserves to be treated equally!!! Now it seems that right wing scum bags have changed our Lady Liberty to Lady Liver Disease! Because that is exactly what your backward bigoted way of thinking is. A LIVER DISEASE!!!! It can no longer filter out the right wing anti GAY and RACIST and anti POOR poison that is now changing our country into a HATEFUL nation of bigots and witch burners from the by gone DARK AGES!!! So let's continue to fantasize about torturing Sarah Palin!!!! Let's let it out! Get it out in satire with a bit of NASTY parody and comedy. That way we don't have to sink to YOUR level Ms. Palin. Of encouraging mentally unstable right wing thugs to go out and murder kids and kill liberals and Jews!!! So only three more ways left to fantasizzzzzzzzze bout torturing SARAH PALIN. Hmmm. Gotta put on that thinking cap!!! Of course I wouldn't stoop to your level Ms. Evil Impale Palin!!! But what FUN this is! And what good THERAPY!!!!! So you don't have too much too worry bout Ms. Palin. I would never be so disgusting to really encourage anyone to do any of these things to you!!! It would be wrong and only make me one of you!!! BUT what pleasure I get in imagining that I am in some Stephen King movie and you are the Wicked Witch Of The West and that a big Russian missile is about to flatten you like a Slavic potato pancake! Or that you drown in a giant bowl of borscht !!! Oh you know! That soup the Slavs make from beets!!! It's the color of blood which really is YOUR color!!!!! Yes that would be another cool, twenty three skid do, way of torturing you!!! Oh you kid!! Your state would hit the skids! If the Russians blew off your lid!!! Melt your snow! We all would know! That you just BLOW!!!
So! On on to number 3!!! Let's get our creative juices flowing!!!! And remember Miss Thing!!! The pen is mightier than your penis envy gun that you use to murder animals and encourage your right wing psycho fans with! And Jayne County is coming for you!!! With pen, email, iPhone and Internet in hand!!! And I NEVER give up!!! AND I am not ALONE! Be afraid!!! Be VERY AFRAID!!!
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3. This is a short one. ALONG CAME JONES!!! By The Coasters! So he grabbed her!!!! HE DID??? Then he tied her to the railroad tracks!!! HE DID??? And then a train started coming!!!! And then!!! And then!!! HICCUP!!! And then along came Jones!!! To save her!!! Oooooops!!! Too bad!!! Jones can't save you this time!!!! He was here in this country 'illegally!' Although his ancestors have lived here thousands of years! His land was stolen and the AmeriKan government expelled him as being 'Illegal!' And all because of bigots like you using all that patriotism and illegal immigrant bullshit as an excuse to persecute and make other human beings miserable! Oh my illegal JONES has been deported and here come the train bitch!!! And it ain't no Soul Train!!! And it ain't no LOVE Train either! It's a real train and you is tied to the track and you can't get free!!! This ain't no magic act and you is gettin' cut in Half!!! TORTURE time you third rate beauty HO!!!! "And you know, something is happening here, but you don't know what it is! Do you, Misses Palin???
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2. GIVE SARAH PALIN a heart attack by suggesting that maybe her upstanding Christian upbringing of her picture perfect Christian HO daughters may actually really do the Christian thing and get married FIRST before having anymore little right wing bastard bigot brats. And we've all heard of what snotty little anti Gay bitch whores, Sarah Palin's HARLOT daughters are! Family Values?? Ha!!! Lying, hypocritical little whores!!! MS. Palin has done a really shitty job of raising her selfish, UGLY humped backed, sea whales she calls her daughters !!! I've seen prettier faces on a cornbread battered fried catfish than on those pathetic ugly little turtles!!! One of them is so humped backed that you could open up a ski resort on her back!!! And she has no neck!!! What did Sarah Palin do? Fuck a giant sea turtle and push evolution back a half million years?!? And what man in his right mind would want to fuck Sarah Palins reptilian daughters!!!??? Just go down to Pet Smart and buy yourself a pet SNAKE. After all that is what the Palin family really are! SNAKES. Rumor has it that some of Ms. Palin's relatives were actually hanging out in The Garden Of Eden. And that her relatives were so ugly that Satan himself handed the apple back to poor Sarah's folk cause even Lucifer himself was too repulsed to get his giant snake hard enough to stick it up any of Ms. Palin's relatives holes!!! ANY of their holes! Apples, Peaches, Pumpkin Pie! Fuck Sarah Palin and you will die! Be cast out of Paradise for ADULTERY! Of course Sarah's daughter has money and that would be the only reason anyone, male, female, or LIZARD would want to fuck them!!!!! So let's give Sarah Palin a heart attack and see if we can find something at least half alive that would want to give her hump backed whale, fried catfish of a daughter a good fucking AFTER they are married and settle in with a fine, decent, Christian marriage! Approved of by GOD herself!!! Sarah Palin is having a heart attack!!! OMG!!! She is laying across the road next to a poor little possum that's been hit by an electric car! Someone please do something to help! Push that bigoted bitch out of the road in to the ditch so I can get to that poor little possum and take it to the Vet!!!
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1. Well it's really hard to think up another way to torture Sorry Sarah, after all those other anti Sarah Sewage, rants and raves! But the way I think that our Salty Sorry Sarah can be best tortured is for her to be SHUNNED by all decent, free thinking people everywhere! She already is a festering sore spot in her own party! And this latest incident, where she has made such an embarrrrrrasssssssing display of her ignorance and insensitivity, has even RepubliKKKans rolling their eyes and realizing for once and for all , that she has absolutely NO CHANCE in Heaven or HELL of ever becoming Dictator of The U. S. A!!! Thank U Isis!!! Praise be to Asteroth!!! Help me Bast!!! The fact that this nasty, piece of rat turd, is the biggest LOSER on the face of earth or in our entire Galaxy, is enough to torture her for the rest of her miserable life! And to top all that off , she is a sorry quitter! She ran out on her own Governorship! Whose to say that she wouldn't do the same thing as President! ?!? This pathetic creature is one huge toilet bowl full of pink and green, psychedelic shit! She needs to be flushed down the sewage pipes along with all the rest of her cave dwelling, flatworm friends! Total loser!!! She has quite simply BLOWN it!!! Of course if she did run for president it would be the best news for the Dems ever! It would assure them another term! Sarah Sewage running for president is a sure win for the disappointing Dems! So Sarah is at this moment being tortured to death!!! She finally realizes her chances of ever being considered a serious choice for her Neanderthal RepubliKKKan cohorts are as slim as a skinny raccoon turd! I hope Ms. Palin will finally fuck off back to cold, ice caked AlasKKKa!!! Maybe with luck she will book herself a very long skying trip! Right off the fucking planet! I here it's extremely cold on non planet Pluto, so I bet the skying there would be simply fantabulous!!! Or better yet, maybe we could pray to Cat Goddess Bast, that Miss Ice Queen, will get lost or fall off a giant polar cap, and become encased in a block of ice for about 50 thousand years or more, only to be discovered, much to their horror, by future super intelligent beings! They could thaw out Ms. Palin like a giant Mastadon, and be totally shocked and repulsed by her backward way of thinking! They would be shocked at the sheer ignorance and low intelligence level of this cave dwelling human worm from man's ancient past! Poor Sarah!!! You are such a poor misunderstood, TORTURED soul! Oh excuse me! I forgot! Sarah Palin dosn't have a soul!!! She's an empty shell of an excuse, for a human being! No soul! No class! No brain! And even The Great And Powerful OZ can't help the poor TORTURED baby wolf murderer!!! Sarah Palin! You are a pathetic, tortured, BITCH FROM HELL!!! Go back to AlasKKKa, you smelly hairy Mastadon from the Crustykuntapationonic Ice Age!!! I spit on your ice cubes!!!
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