Punk Globe: Hey Nick, thanks for your time
Nick Swardson~ You're welcome, dyke.
Punk Globe: So how long have you been doing stand up comedy?
Nick Swardson~ 13 years
Punk Globe: What or who inspires you the most?
Nick Swardson~ Nature...vodka
Punk Globe: Any weird fan moments?
Nick Swardson~ They've all gone smooth...except when that one guy stabbed me to death. Other then that. Smoooooth.
Punk Globe: What is the biggest crowd you have performed in front of thus far?
Nick Swardson~ 25,000 with Will Ferrell at Ohio State.
Punk Globe: Any embarrassing onstage moments?
Nick Swardson~ Every moment I'm on stage is embarrassing.
Punk Globe: If you and I hung out, what would we do?
Nick Swardson~ Dream....
Punk Globe: Which one of your films has been your favorite and why?
Nick Swardson~ "Grandma's Boy"...it was the little movie that could. No budget. Not much support. We created it from nothing. And were left to our own devices. I thought it came out pretty funny.
Punk Globe: Ever been star struck?
Nick Swardson~ Yes...Brad Pitt...and meeting Snoop Dogg. Must nervous I've ever been.
Punk Globe: You talk about gays and have a character called "Gay Robot" what IS your sexuality?
Nick Swardson~ Gray??
Punk Globe: If I come to LA, can we go on a date and what we do?
Nick Swardson~ You'd watch me get drunk. And then change my diaper.
Punk Globe: Most humbling moment?
Nick Swardson~ I'm always humbled. No joke. I have no ego or pretense.
Punk Globe: What makes Nick sad?
Nick Swardson~ Questions.
Punk Globe: Fuck you!
Punk Globe: Tell Punk Globe readers why they should buy your "Party" CD
Nick Swardson~ They shouldn't..I don't tell people to do anything. Movies or what not. If you think it's worth it, go for it....that being said, the CD will change your life and make you money.
Punk Globe: What is your NEXT comedy CD going to be like?
Nick Swardson~ Same material. Verbatim. Different title.
Punk Globe: Any upcoming movies?
Nick Swardson~ Yes...developing several. Very excited.
Punk Globe: Can I make out with you with beer in my mouth?
Nick Swardson~ Malt liquor and you have a deal.
Punk Globe: You Rock!
Nick Swardson~ No....yes...n-...yes?
Punk Globe: So tell us something surprising about Nick Swardson
Nick Swardson~ I've been happily married to Sir Elton John for 30 years.
Punk Globe: You are known to love to drink, whats your favorite alcohol beverage?
Nick Swardson~ Not picky. Depends on the phase. Right now Beer and Jager shots. Minnesota breakfast.
Punk Globe: Tell us a lilttle bit about how you and Adam Sandler collaborated.
Nick Swardson~ He saw my stand up and called me.
Punk Globe: Tell Punk Globe readers about the last person you dated
Nick Swardson~ Haven't dated since high school. No joke. Call Maren Richardson.
Punk Globe: Anything new on the horizon for "Gay Robot"?
Nick Swardson~ YES!! Comedy Central ordered six episodes. "Gay Robot' is coming in '09.
Punk Globe: Do you have any weird fears/phobias?
Nick Swardson~ Elevators...HATRED. No joke.
Punk Globe: People always talk about you and drinking (as do you). Do you think you have an alcohol issue?
Nick Swardson~ Not an issue. It's called a past time. I'm a gentleman.
Punk Globe: I mean did Strawberry Kiwi REALLY take you down?
Nick Swardson~ No comment.
Punk Globe: hahahah.
Nick Swardson~ Eww.
Punk Globe: Im sad and alone on Valentines Day, what do you do for me?
Nick Swardson~ I broke up with you a while ago. You're way too demanding.
Punk Globe: What were you like as a child?
Nick Swardson~ Gay.
Punk Globe: What is your typical day like now?
Nick Swardson~ Sweet.
Punk Globe: What makes You LAUGH?
Nick Swardson~ Laughing.
Punk Globe: What did you think about the election?
Nick Swardson~ Word.
Punk Globe: Your a video game player, any new games you'd recommend to people?
Nick Swardson~ I'm a Halo 3 junkie...Bioshock is the best game I've ever played.
Punk Globe: Last time you vomited?
Nick Swardson~ When was Sarah Palin's last interview?
Punk Globe: Last time you were in love?
Nick Swardson~ I'm always in love.
Punk Globe: Your friends with Paris Hilton, how did that come to be?
Nick Swardson~ She was a fan. She's really cool. I have a lot of fun with her.
Punk Globe: What was your favorite place to tour and why?
Nick Swardson~ I like cities I've never been. This tour I was surprised by Cleveland, Indy, San Antonio...nothing better then Minneapolis, though...and YES I love Seattle. Bumpershoot was some of the best times in my life. No joke. Me and David Cross did it for years.
Punk Globe: Your on the soup box, anything you wanna say to Punk Globe readers?
Nick Swardson~ Hi...my name is Nick.
Punk Globe: Thanks So much for your time and one last question, can I suckle on your teet???
Nick Swardson~ My teets are an open invitation. Suckle all!!
Punk Globe: Call Me!
Nick Swardson~ That's a great song.
Interview for Punk Globe by Kim Acrylic 2009