"I'll be dead in an hour," shouts Kim Fowley from a hospital bed in California. My vocal chords clench as a cell phone and a voice recorder waver in each shaking hand. "I'm sorry, I have Cerebral Palsy, you'll have to bear with me," I manage to rasp out. "Take your medicine and get back to me," he says. I hang up, medicate, and call again. My throat is in knots, my phone is clamped tightly to my ear, and my recorder is rattling. Two headstrong crips in one interview who refuse to disappoint. The whip of Kim's wit should be enough to keep you reading. Enjoy!

How does a Kindergarten cripple become a Lord of Garbage?

I got polio in 1946 and 1957. What the book doesn't describe is that I had pneumonia nine times between the ages of six and nineteen and I had positional vertigo after I got bitten by the West Nile spider. About nine years ago, I lost all inner ear balance. I've been crippled since 1946, it made me a monster in the fight. I went to the Army and the Air Force on waivers. I'm a cripple, but I'm strong and I know how to hurt. I use this in business because no one says no to a cripple in a business deal.

What's one business deal where you used your disability to your advantage?

Waking up every morning as a disabled human being in a Brad Pitt, airbrushed, perfect face, perfect skin, perfect hair world, I am a welt-covered Gila monster. It's been this way ever since I was six and a half years old. I've spend a whole lot of time faced with pain and horror.

When you do readings from "Lord of Garbage" at your shows, do you decide to break up prose and poetry into separate parts of the night?

It depends on the audience. We have prose, we have poetry, we have music, we have the mosh pit, and we have hypnosis. We also have chicken wire incase anybody decides to throw bricks, bottles, or shit at the stage.

What is the lewdest act you've ever hypnotized someone into performing on stage?

Standing on their head for one hour.

"Animal Man" is one of my favorite songs of yours. Could you tell me about the last time you played it live?

1968

What's your least favorite project that you've worked on and how could you have made it better?

2013 Interviews. By not doing them at all.

What's the most bizarre thing a heckler has ever shouted at you?

Sing 'White Christmas'

Why do you think that there is so much animosity toward you on stage?

Because I perform in a wheelchair, with armed guards on either end of the stage.

Do shows go better when you harness the animosity?

Everyone has a good time. Lots of smiles.

Your poetry reminds me a lot of Jim Carroll's. Did the two of you ever cross paths?

No

Where do you think the line is between song lyrics and poetry?

You can't whistle poetry.

You said that you could have been Bob Dylan if you were singing the first few songs that you wrote. Was there much of a distinction between being an artist and a businessman early on?

Early on, I was 17 years old...No outlet at that time.

You've said that Alan Freed was like a father to you. Other than making sure you ate, what was the best piece of advice he passed on to you?

Own shares of your own music.

You "lived like a dog so [you] could dream like a wise man." What about your surroundings made it easier for you to create?

When you have nothing, you fill in the empty spaces with your dreams & nightmares.

What do you think gives people like Nick Cave and Frank Zappa the allure that makes them seem more appealing as musicians than they actually are?

They were standard height, predictable, lovable.

Are there more musicians like PJ Proby who you think should have gotten more credit?

Kim Fowley

In the book "Lexicon Devil," you're quoted as saying, "Punk is just dirty glitter." How did that attitude influence the production of the Germs' live album, Germicide?

Puke glows in the dark.

What made you want to produce that album?

Money / Dirty Girls

Why is so much of the prose in "Lord of Garbage," in the third person? Do you feel like you've been playing a character named Kim Fowley at certain points in your life?

Bingo. You win The Golden Toad Award.

Toward the end of the book, you say, "If you're remarkable, you'd better have balls." What the most remarkable thing about you that we wouldn't find in "Lord Of Garbage?"

I'm smarter than you think....about nothing.

Thanks Kim for your patience and effort in this interview. Any final words for Punk Globe readers?

Make your own music, and have someone who likes you pay for the whole process. It's called OPM = Other People's Money